The good, the lunch and the sometimes lonely

And then like a gentle prod; in two days, two people asked me about my blog…. And my answer was the same. I can’t manufacture inspiration. Not that I am suggesting anyone can. I just find that I need an extravagant amount of mental space to be able to write anything of interest and this space is not something I have found of late.  Strangely however, after these two conversations I feel re-motivated to banish my creative tardiness.  The last weeks have been full of much busyness both mentally and logistically.  And this ends my excusing of my absence from my writing.

Lovely Miss (just turned) 5 has started Kindergarten and while I am supposed to be an expert at school transition by now I am not. Like every baby is different so is every Kindy kid.  Thankfully she is enjoying school. When I asked her about her favourite thing the other day she answered lunch. I suspect that in part this love of lunch related to her new found confidence in opening packaging.  She is so pleased about this skill that she opened 5 boxes of a breakfast milk drink for each family member - the slightly unfortunate aspect was that no one actually likes these drinks i bought but she was so pleased i could do nothing more than share her joy and thank her.   

I was surprised tonight that she asked if she has to go to school every day, and when she can have a play date with one of her preschool friends.  I smiled bravely and said she did but we could invite a friend over on the weekend. I wandered out loud how many new friends she would make at school over the coming weeks.  I was dismayed to hear that at lunchtime she played on her own today despite the backup two older siblings! I have learned that whether this feeling of loneliness is actual or relates to her internal experience it should not be disregarded.  Again I imagined what it would be like when she had made lots of friends at school. And asked about the friend she has spoken of.   We talked about it taking time to form new friendships.   

Whilst I am desperate to offer a quick mummy fix I am also quietly confident that Miss 5 will have no shortage of friends or fun at school over the coming weeks and years.  I am sure I have said it before, I was not enamored with may things about my school years however I do remember that one only needs a few good friends to make it way more fun. This hasn't changed so much over the years.   And i can wholeheartedly relate to eating lunch being a favourite pastime as well.

Call it a revisit

Call it a revisit if you must but someone reminded me of my love of months passed so in the wee hours of Sunday morning I wrote... stream of consciousness, rawness blogged and it felt good.  It's that crazy, young, silly feeling.  The wanting, the wooing.  It is a wordless feeling. The hoping, the pleading... The push and pull. The high, the crashing low. It is intimacy intoxicated by the unknowing. It is paradoxical yet safe. Shameless, without pretense, writing... Finally.

Crazy fun

In all honesty I think I have been exercising as often as I've been blogging lately so tonight, with the sun decidedly set and the children in deep slumber we escaped! Thanks to the presence of our lovely housemate we snuck out the back door. Husband on foot. Me on my bike. Actually me on my (tall) 11 year neighbours bike! We cat and moused our way about around the outside of the Parklands. There was something crazy, something spontaneous about the event that made it extra fulfilling... Not to mention that I managed to break a sweat.

The Calm without the storm

We have been back a week now and 2014 is shaping itself. Our week of birthdays has been a beautiful, enchanting and engaging (if sometimes chaotic ) celebration of these fabulous and full on little ladies. It was in the midst of this week I found myself looking for resources that might help me better meet their ever changing parenting needs.

In this search I stumbled upon this article and it was such a brilliant reminder of what i want to teach my kids through my parenting.

http://m.empoweringparents.com/Stop-Letting-Your-Childs-Behavior-Make-You-Crazy.php

The idea of calm parenting really resonates for me. However in many ways it is foreign to how I was parented and as a result opposite to my default settings. But I like it and I like how i feel when I am this kinda parent so I am reminding myself of these strategies and seeing some love results already.

Really?

I just logged on and my account told me quite irreverently that is has been 2 and a half months since I have posted. I'm so sorry.... Blogger, anyone who reads, creative self! Thankfully my mojo is returning as rapidly as I type.  I am not even sure how the time lapse occurred but it feels good to be back.  I guess it was just life that took over.  School holidays, road trips and now the girls birthdays have all featured high on the four kid family radar the last few months.  But with the new year I am embracing the joy I find in reflecting in print.  Despite this my time is short today as I am off to toast some lentil granola, bake the beginnings of a Peppa Pig cake and find a recipe for tofu burgers.  So... see you sooner rather than later.

Cakes, Capes and witches Hats

There is a pattern to my creativity and I really don’t understand it fully.  All I know is that since Eric’s birthday on Monday I have been itching to make.  Cakes, capes and witches hats are just a couple of the things that have been turned out this week.  I have my heart set on another cape but I fear that time will not allow today. We are off to celebrate a birthday with a beautiful almost three year old on Saturday and I would love to arrive bearing a creation.  Perhaps if I shift from this blog post and talking about being creative to some more pressing admin I will be able to steal some moments at my machine later in the day.  Just before I go this is what I have my eye on ….

http://biglittletales.blogspot.com.au/2011/09/mini-baby-cape.html

A coming of (school) age!

The heat is thick outside our back door but inside the coolness is clear and thoughtful.  The kids are pottering and I am having a moment that I know already will be only too brief.  I will, I have decided fill it with writing in the hope that this creative burst may project me faster through the other tasks at hand.  The holidays have ended free of drama and as if by some magic we are catapulted toward the end of the year and all that means for our family.  2014 marks the end of a season in our lives.  Our boy will no longer be a preschooler and with his coming of school age comes an overwhelming flood of mixed feelings.  It feels there will be an ease, not that Kindergarten is without its challenges but it is also a year of maturing, of changing. I am excited about a year of new and creative moments for Master five and for his mumma.

Soon my boy, soon...

Change

In the face of a weekend full of fear - fuelled messages and results that create apprehensiveness at best I am choosing to set my own personal and political tone. One of gratitude and engagement over criticism (which I am a little prone to at times).

I am grateful that I live in a country where I can continue to speak loudly and clearly when I see injustice.

I am grateful that I can make my own contributions financially, practically and emotionally to community well being.

And I am grateful for my family and friends who form a wise and nurturing community around me and are like-minded about caring for others and being inclusive.

I am grateful for the sunshine that propagates this optimism and proactive feeling in me.

A baby on the way (not mine)

There is something about the anticipation of a birth that I find utterly thrilling. The miracle, the mystery, the longing, even the anxiety that hold an ancient drawing. An excitement even in its mention. Perhaps in part it is an excitement founded in my own experience. The changing that happened in birthing for me. Perhaps it is the connectedness that women find in the life event of giving birth... Maybe it is just where my heart is at this time. Whatever its cause I feel good and alive and strong. What a privilege being a Doula

Traveling with four - stories and more

I’m standing in our cold Randwick kitchen boiling the kettle for a late night hot drink.  The bedrooms are quiet.  ‘The Churros in Barcelona are amazing I reminisce absentmindedly to husband’.  He smiles.    It has only been two weeks since our return and despite the memories still being strong it feels like a lifetime ago already. 

Before embarking on our 5 week trip with our four children who are 7, 5, 3 and almost 1 year old I read many things, it feels right. First I search for blogs, then packing checklists, things to do with children, famous playgrounds, I googled it all.  Surprisingly there aren’t a huge number of people travelling with four small children, three of whom are preschool age. Even less people are writing about it.

In reality the ratio of unplanned events on this holiday were far higher than those I organised based on my research. It was in essence the unprompted acts of kindness and the plethora of unpredictably serendipitous moments that made our journey what it was – a crazy, eventful, delicious and at times insanely stressful adventure. 

There are so many things I want to be able to say to somehow cajole those teetering on the brink of the decision to travel with small children. While talking about Rome, Barcelona, The Andalucía coast, Lisbon or Bintan Island may be impressive (or make you question our sanity) it feels a poor attempt at sharing the essence of the holiday that was the catalyst the change, love, growth, awe and excitement I saw every day in each little face that we dragged on ridiculous numbers of planes around silly numbers of countries.  Five weeks away from home with family exploring outside our world is good for the soul.

Just like a recipe (for life)

It's a small white table, pre loved... With two wooden chairs tucked neatly under. Tonight it is the homework table. Some nights it is a dinner table. It is a place miss Seven likes to sit. She is not happy right now though. We have tried for some minutes to come to a shared understanding of her homework question. We have failed. I stop, we are silent, I can see she is tired and now increasingly frustrated. So much like me at times it is heartbreaking to watch. I think hard and in a moment of clarity I say lets read it like a recipe and step by step the question is answered beautifully. I tell miss seven that I am so proud that she persisted past her frustration to understanding. I tell myself the same.

Time with my (big) man

I am eager for tomorrow, it is my second 'special' day with my boy...

We decided a while back that the kids could do with some extra individual Mummy time. Presented with this realisation we set about working on the logistics. Wednesday is Master four's day.

We still have 'the baby' but its not all about him on our day. Last week we spoilt ourselves with a hot chocolate all to ones self and then a bike ride unencumbered by cries of 'my legs can't walk and I tired'. The whole day was a treat... So we have been quietly exchanging knowing looks waiting for our next adventure which at present involves a trip to an infamous indoor play centre. the thought of it fills me both with love (for the squeals of joy it will produce) and terror (about the inevitably high volume of similarly squealing children in one poorly sound proofed space).

Handprints to remember

It's silent and I know that I will be weary in the morning but some times it just takes time to wind down... Time, such a commodity. Today was an emotional day. We swam, as we do on a Saturday. Miss three had a her first lesson last week. This week after a moment of contemplation she happily slid into the water to her very fabulous teacher, on her own without any request for me to accompany her. I was full of pride for my little lady and her thirst for life.

Then drawn by the warmth of the sun and my depth of belief in the cause we headed to the Cancer Council fundraiser Relay for Life in Centennial Park. And while the kids bounced on the jumping castle and collected show bags from the police stall we chatted and shared food with friends to remember the loved ones that had been lost from among us. My loss is not new, like my friend's. Still as the kids dipped their hands in paint one by one and carefully placed them on the canvas of remembrance something stirred in me. My voice was shaky as I asked if I could do a print of Hubba bubba's hand. I quietly willed my mum to watch and enjoy the moment.

As we drove home I told husband that the thing I find hardest is that the kids will not have memories of their Grandma Inara. They will know about her, feel the tenderness in my telling of her but she will not be a physical person in their growing lives.

This was the meaning I made of the tears I cried. And they caused me to hold the kids one by one purposefully tonight and hug husband just a moment longer than normal.

Words

Miss Seven had to complete a writing exercise titled noun groups where she had to use two adjectives that matched a noun.  It made me think about words to describe my goals for our home and our family for the future (I know a slight leap but are you surprised?) 

Honest
Inclusive
Nurturing
Welcoming
Corageous
Extravagant (not to be confused with wasteful)
Safe
Comfortable (not to be confused with complacent)
Active
Creative and....
Engaging 

Just some descriptives

The back step

I am sitting on our back step... A sanctuary I adopt in the cooler months. The sun is flooding past the neighbours roof and warming my soul. There is a vast discrepancy between the temperature in the house and the one outside. With the sun comes waves of gratefulness. I have not written a lot lately which is unwise for me as writing is my catalyst for reflection, for dreaming, for change and for positivity. So today I am back and I am thankful.

That place in Flemington

The dishwasher is clattering towards a clean load of dishes I have found a 'sugar free mum' recipe I am hoping will divert my growing chocolate craving. Brownies with a secret ingredient. I guess my baking urge is really just the hangover from our family sojourn to Flemington markets yesterday.

After devouring plates of Crispy skin chicken, lemongrass beef and salt and pepper squid at a Vietnamese restaurant that I sadly can only identify as 'the place next to' Pho 97 we head round past the renown bakery serving red bean filled donut like balls, to the markets.

Eric and I are both gob smacked by how cheap everything is. (No really I made sweet potato and white bean fritters tonight with a salsa salad and the whole meal cost me $6! Not per head, in total).

We all loved the market experience, Eric and I have childhood memories of our trips with parents down these bustling aisles, so there was a healthy amount of reminiscing about some fun and crazy moments.

The kids also had their share of fun. Miss seven loves the cheap nail polish and the even cheaper lollies. Master four and the goo, win the hearts of all the stall holders being offer Fuji fruit, mandarins and plums at every turn. Definitely on the cards again. And I'll tell all about these brownies soon. X

Zambezia at the Ritz

Very fun... Totally not Disney nor Pixar and an added sense of achievement that with a mixed bag of diversions I was able to keep my almost 9 month old awake and content through it. Produced in South African with the notable credit at the end to Samuel L Jackson; Adventures in Zambezia was a very G rated feel good flick that made our ANZAC afternoon at our favourite old school cinema really enjoyable. Definitely a crowd pleaser with our preschool aged crew.

I choose you

I don't love you in spite of your cheekiness... I love you because of it. I don't love you in spite of your incessant mimicking of everything we say...I love you because of it. It's not in spite of what seems an in aptitude to listen when I ask you not to drag Hubba bubba clumsily down the hallway to join your game of tent building, its because of it. It is you that I love my babies, even when I am close to bubbling over with frustration, even when I do. In the quietness of reflection it is you I choose. Each of you.

Stop the world I want to write

Days are long and leisure activities (for me that is) are minimal... But I am loving the school holidays nonetheless. Less planning, more spontaneity. Time with friends, potting seeds, throwing a ball. All things that make me feel a little less regimented, a little freer. Good times with my school aged baby. Writing can wait for these stolen late night rendezvous

Swedish fun

It's one of those relationships, you know it's not healthy and really it has little long term value but you keep returning. Its just so enticing, captivating in the short term....

Ah Ikea, if only I could stay away. Your clever designs, your eclectic marketing you had me at hello.